So how exactly did this happen again?

I always liked singing. Always. Even when I was a kid I found it a liberating and strange kind of challenge… and the fact is that everybody sings. But now and then it will happen when you hear someone start singing and the entire room stops. Everyone sits and listens … and when that person is done singing the room pauses for just a second and then someone hits the ‘play’ button and the room goes back to normal. I remember the first time that happened to me. I was in the second grade and our choir was holding auditions for a solo in one of its’ songs. Our choir teacher had everyone lined up who wanted to and one by one we were taking turns singing through the solo in front of the class. I was near the back of the line and when my turn came … I remember singing and feeling pretty good about it. I remember that when everyone else had gotten done singing … the room would clap and cheer for them and then that was it. I remember finishing and being kind of embarrassed because there wasn’t much of a reaction from anyone. I went and sat down next to my friend who had auditioned a little bit before me and it took a second before he finally looked at me and said “you jerk”. I realized that the ‘non-reaction’ was actually a very big compliment.

I was hooked.

It is the most empowering feeling I have ever known … and it still holds true to this day. When you start to play or sing a song and you realize that you just grabbed the attention of every person in that room. Unbelievable.

I’m not going to sit here and say that I am better than the rest of the world at what I think I can do. I’m not a fool. The fact of the matter is that the place where I am going later this morning probably has 400 exact clones of myself with different names all knocking on the same doors that I will be knocking on. I am smart enough to know that the only thing I can control is how hard I work … and from there you need a unique combination of luck and timing to ‘finish the deal’.

But I also know that that ‘control’ that I felt when I auditioned in the second grade remains the most compelling and awesome thing I’ve ever gone through… and each and every time it has happened since then it has had that same effect on me.

I’ve worked really hard and taken a few risks to put myself in a position where today is possible. These next few months in Los Angeles? Nothing more than an audition to be honest. They say that Los Angeles can make you or break you. I’m lucky enough to be in a position where the latter isn’t possible. I’m going out to LA today to see what IS possible. If after these first few months I find that the west coast isn’t for me or that I am wasting my time by being there … I will have no qualms about packing up and coming back home. I have an awesome situation here in Wisconsin… so the “break you” part means coming back home here and living… which is actually a different kind of win. But I’m going after that ‘what if’…

Am I crazy for moving to a place where my rent is three times (true) more than what I am currently paying and my living space is about 1/4 (true) of what I have now? Probably. But they say you have to live life to the fullest, yes?

Hello world … let’s dance.

“Hollywood or bust”

Apparently I am going to start naming my journal posts.

For those who don’t know, I am again gearing up for a fairly big move. I know those of you who have tried to follow me over the last few years have gone through this before when I packed up and shipped off to Nashville back in ’07. I can admit now that that was probably a touch premature. Back then I still had the mindset of “The only thing I want to do is sing/write/play … and nothing else is an option”. While that still is the current goal and still what I truly want… I have had some nice talks with myself and I know that music might end up only being a side job or a hobby the rest of the way. I still am approaching my day to day music life with the intensity of that prior approach … but I’ve calmed down mentally, “stepped back from the ledge” if you will. I think it is a healthier approach.

But I have to give it one last try.

Being honest with myself, I still would like nothing more than to have music pay my bills. Staying up until 3 AM trying to write songs and then getting up at 7 to be somewhere to play them for people is fun for me. It isn’t work. Ultimately, that is how a career should be chosen right? Do what makes you happy?

So, in order to maximize my chances of making that a reality… I think I need to be where opportunity is. For a kid like myself, I would benefit most from being in a place where I can network with other people like me. Singer/Songwriters who scrap day to day for gigs, industry minds who can point you in beneficial directions and steer you from bad ones, and somewhere where the weather allows you to panhandle the streets for grocery money 52 weeks a year .

I’m moving to LA.

The exact day hasn’t really been decided yet. That will have a lot to do with my car situation and when I decide I have enough money saved up to be able to survive for a few months without income if need be. But right now I have written the end of September on a bunch of pieces of paper and I’m starting to tell people the same to make myself start believing it.

It is going to get to the point in September or October where I am just standing on the bridge with the cords tied around my ankles, all set to jump and I’m telling myself, “I’ll jump in 2 minutes” .. and then 2 minutes later “Just give me one more minute” (FYI I would never bungee jump, I would have a heart attack mid-fall, but it’s a good analogy nonetheless) … at some point I’m just going to have close my eyes and tumble off of the ledge. I think the sooner the better in this instance.

To be honest, I have no idea what will happen once I get out there. Maybe I get cold feet and scamper back home? Maybe I really catch California fever and start wearing sun visors and learn how to surf? (This won’t happen. I will stay true to my Wisconsin ways and wear hooded sweatshirts and jeans to every gig I play) I don’t know. But I want to be able to say that I got an at bat in the big leagues.

And I swear, if that pitcher’s first pitch is anywhere inside… I’m charging.

I wrote a song for Valentine’s Day. It’s a sample using “A Whole New World” from Aladdin. Take a look.. er… listen. Look and listen! Have a good week!